rough morning. [176.365]

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We've had a rough morning :(

We drove A into campus this morning because it was raining (which meant he couldn’t bike, and M and I couldn’t do our normal long walk), and I thought it’d be a great idea to go straight from there to the Museum of Play. I didn’t realize until we pulled into the (empty) parking lot that they actually don’t open until 10am. But of course, by that point, M had seen the museum and got VERY upset with me that I wasn’t letting her go. Like, 30 straight minutes of screaming/shrieking/pulling-her-hair-out/scratching-her-face/hitting/etc that left her a sweaty, puffy mess by the time I was finally able to get us home (driving while she’s screaming is SO stressful, you guys, especially given my sensory processing issues) and calm her down with hugs and kisses and Sesame Street. Lots of Sesame Street. I’m feeling terribly low about myself as a parent today, but it is what it is. She really has a hard time (like any toddler, but more intensely than most I think) when her expectations are violated and usually I help her with this by preparing her for it, explaining, coaching her through it, etc, but since I was caught by surprise by the museum not being open myself, I wasn’t exactly able to do that. And boy did it show.

Then she asked for yogurt for snack, and the first one I opened had mold in it (yuck!) which lead to another 15 minute screaming fest (because I didn’t give it to her) despite my opening another yogurt right away (which was thankfully not moldy). And all this follows a night where M had a nightmare and came to our bed at midnight, which means neither of us got great sleep. And it’s a rainy day so we can’t do much. I just kind of hate today.

But, one example of M’s incredible sweetness to cheer up this otherwise mopey post: when M’s upset, I often comfort her by rubbing her back and telling her that she is safe and loved. This afternoon, I stubbed my toe really hard and cried, and M came over and patted my face and said “it’s ok mama, you are safe and loved.” I’m so glad she’s internalized that and it was just the sweetest thing.

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