M decided we needed “hats”, so, she dumped everything out of her baskets and put these on our heads. Heh.
Saturday was a rough day – M was being really difficult most of the day, and I was just hit with a wall of exhaustion and frustration. Some days I still really struggle with the changes that have come in my life since becoming a parent. And on Saturday this was combined with struggling to accept the changes that have come in my life as a result of my chronic illness. A’s gotten really into running lately, which is great for him, but kind of a punch in the gut to me. I used to be a very good runner. Like, “could have qualified for the Olympic Trials in the marathon” good. (The trials, folks, not the actual Olympics. Totally different world, that. But I was totally prepped to run a trials-qualifying race, and then had my first major flareup that landed me in the ER 10 days prior to the race.) I can’t run anymore because of my connective tissue disease, and it is what is, but what it is really sucks some days, and as happy as I am to support A in his efforts to become a better runner, it’s…well, a little hard to cheerlead when you still wish pretty desperately that you could be doing the thing the person you’re cheerleading is doing.
I just wasn’t feeling it on Saturday.
So I cried a lot. Just a lot of “missing my old life”, I guess, but then if I had my old life, I wouldn’t have M, and I wouldn’t make that trade for anything.
